In a recent interview with co-founder and author Loren Recchi, we explore her recent two experiences with miscarriage and her preparation for the birth of another daughter.
Tell us a little bit about your start to motherhood:
Well it began when my partner and I decided to start a family in late 2019, and we conceived in a few months after moving to the Sunshine Coast. Our first pregnancy was a little high-risk with a few complications, but with the right team around us we welcomed our first daughter to the world in August 2020.
How did you find becoming a mother?
Nothing can prepare you for the biggest of life’s experiences, and motherhood is the same. No two experiences will be the same, and I find there is something beautiful in that. Once I really surrendered to doing the ‘mum’ thing in my own way, it truly became a more enjoyable experience with less pressure (that I would put on myself).
What was the hardest part about the transition to being a first time mum?
The identity shock. It really is a shock that involves elements of grief and letting go of your old self as you exist in a new reality with a new responsibility. I found this to be a transformative and healing process, but when I was in the thick of it I had to be generous and kind (which can be hard when your energetic fuel tank is low).
You have spoken quite openly about your experience with pregnancy loss, would you share a little here for those who don’t know.
Unfortunately we have experienced two miscarriages between our pregnancy with Esther and our current one. They both were before the 10 week mark, and had strong little heartbeats. Our first was October 2021, and the second was August 2023.
What has been the hardest part about pregnancy after loss?
For me it was about losing control in the worst way possible - as a mother you would do anything for your children, and being so helpless with no solution during those days where you knew what was happening and had to ‘wait it out’ was a torture that has built a lot of strength within me.
So for this pregnancy, there is an element of fear… “what if I have to start over again”? “What if I lose control again?”
As much as mindset is about being positive, I also find there is huge power in acknowledging the raw and fear based thoughts we have. It is in this acknowledgement that we can understand ourselves, and heal or comfort ourselves.
So for me the hardest part in this pregnancy has been this ‘acknowledgement’ piece. To find peace and cherish this pregnancy and new life I’m growing I’ve learnt to honour my past, cherish the learnings of how precious life is and be in awe of how my body is growing this new little love.
Do you do any particular self-care rituals to help you acknowledge your past experiences of loss?
Yes, I absolutely do.
There has been a few key rituals that I do. Firstly I check in with myself often with kindness by asking myself:
- How am I feeling or coping?
- Are there any underlying energies of trauma emerging?
- Do I feel nourished?
- Am I ignoring any areas of myself or my self-care?
Often when I am going through something a bit stressful, or reaching a milestone in this pregnancy I will get an urge to also venture to the burial tree we chose at the beach. It’s a tree we were able to bury our second loss. We have placed a little plaque there, and it has been a really healing experience to have a place in nature where I can go, breathe and connect.
To end on a lighter note, what are 5 pieces of advice for other pregnant mothers?
Each motherhood experience is different, so always listen to yourself first before taking the advice of others. But here is a blog I recently did with my 5 key messages of guidance.